Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
