I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
