And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
