Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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