And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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