How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
