We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
