i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
