you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
