He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
