Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
