The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
