just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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