he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
