The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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