dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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