if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
