Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize