Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize