If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
