I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
