It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Drunk is not a location!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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