I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
