It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
