hell yes lets make some ravioli
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize