I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
