there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
God gave him joint rollers for hands
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
