sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
