I wish I could teleport
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I believe in your delicious
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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