im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
