Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
