I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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