u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
