No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
