i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
