So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
