hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
