when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
