five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You took a bar mat shot.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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