this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize