i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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