a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
