We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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