Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Houston, we have a blender
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
