Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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