Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
