Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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