the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Terrible idea I love it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
