Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is wine microwaveable?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
