You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
