my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
