do herpes really smell.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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