Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
