If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
