Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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