I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
