I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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