Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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