Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
