tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
