He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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