have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize