i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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