Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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