benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I love you.
Bad choice
Dear god my vagina.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
