im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
