I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
