pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
