i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
