Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
