I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
