i jhust puked up my retainher.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
