i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
