I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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